Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Abbott Batting on a Deteriorating Pitch. - » The Australian Independent Media Network

Abbott Batting on a Deteriorating Pitch. - » The Australian Independent Media Network

Abbott Batting on a Deteriorating Pitch.

To use cricketing parlance, cracks are beginning to show in the
pitch. The pitch, that is, that Tony Abbott is making to the Australian
public. In fact, some of the cracks are so wide of the crease that they
indicate a turning wicket. Both his captaincy and batting for Team
Australia over the season haves been so bad that many have suggested he
retire on nought. On form, those in the know say he has little chance of
making a big score. In fact, the shifty way he is running between the
wickets would suggest a possible run out toward the end of the year.

The current state of play indicates a subtle but significant shift in
in how the game is being played. The Prime Mminister is on the back
foot firmly behind the ball, playing a negative straight conservative
bat like any well-bred cricketer with English origins.

Meanwhile, the opposition leader’s bowling has been off line. If fact,
he has been so sparse with his short balls that he has been no- balled a
few times for bowling wide of the crease.

So let’s see if we can analyse the match thus far,. rRemembering this is a five test series over three years.

Despite an ageing, out of form team of over the hill players who
seemingly lost touch with the modern game ages ago, captain Abbott seems
determined to take the game back to the W. C. Grace era. Although
However, there’s talk that he might chance his arm and change the
line-up for the next match. ‘Too many leaners and not enough lifters’,
he was heard to say.

Of course, the Murdoch press is playing ball with all this negative
play. They continue to support Abbott’s ““”captain’s calls”,’’ as he
describes his atrocious decisions. I mean, when you’re batting on a
green top, why on earth would you bowl so much spin?. Poor form, that.

On the other hand, social media has stumped a few batters by chucking a
lot of fast positive commentary at a budget deemed to be playing the

Sinking to underarm stuff is “simplye unbecoming”, they have said of
Abbott’s captaincy. You would think he would recognise that it’s time to
concentrate on the finer points of the game and consider traditional
fair play. Even the umpires have chatted to him up about all the ball

The fact is, they have been caught behind and need to play ball with
the umpiring public. At the rate Abbott is scoring he is unlikely to
captain the side in the next test, and.

tThere is also some doubt about the composition of the team. Some are
saying that Pyne should be dropped or that he should at least get a
manager because he has been handling himself too long. Another on the
back foot, as it were, is Hockey, who it is said is always short of
breath (or a length) and is finding it difficult to run between the
wickets. Too many cigars while waiting to bat must be detrimental to
one’s health. He always seems to be full of puff.

And Dutton was well out of his crease and was stumped several times
when he wouldn’t give an undertaking that his team would compromise on
the GP Co-payment,. iInstead opting to hit the poor in the poorest
seats. Meanwhile the rich in the members pavilion could be seen clapping
every shot.

It’s fair to say that the Government was creamed on every budget
policy. Abbott looked like he was acting as a reluctant runner for the
injured opener, and it’s a pity they couldn’t have used the 12th man. He
is known to be up to speed on the economics.

Well, they did get rid of the Carbon Tax but the entire team still seems
to be confused by the difference between weather and climate which
doesn’t go well for the quality of future pitches. You might say the
spectators haves been hit for six on this one. Maybe it’s time to bring
on the quicks. A bit of bodyline or Direct action of the right sort,
that’s what’s needed.

After bowling a few maiden overs there can be no doubt Abbott has copped
one in the box over his PPL scheme. The protector needs something like
speedos to keep it in place otherwise everything hangs loose.

It’s been a balls- up all round and the bowler has been no balled
four times during the current over while trying to get the point across.
Fact is, the policy has been comprehensively hit to square leg and team
mascot Puppy Pyne was seen chasing after it with a view to retrieving
it because he’s not guaranteed of a second knock.

And lLeader Abbott has nicked one to slips over the school kid’s’ bonus.
Reminds me of something Merve Hugh’s said to a spectator at fine leg at
the G after dropping a catch;. ‘Fn hopeless’.

It seems that because of budgetary constraints he will be unable to give
those unable to win a place on team Australia any assistance. Instead
he wants them all to field in slips and go for 40 catches a month. If
they drop one he can blame it on Labor for bowling too many short
pitched deliveries.

Abbott’s team are appallingly bad sports. It’s a pity the opposition
cant can’t appeal to the third umpire. Once upon a time it was a
gentleman’s game and we played by traditional rules, but captain Abbott
seems to have let it all roll into the gutter. He has replaced
everything our beloved game stands for with Lilly Lillee white lies. All
the video replays confirm it.

I think for the last two years he has just been batting with the
breeze or must have been hit with a bouncer while not wearing a helmet.
Concussion set in and when he recovered he realised that there are real
known facts in the world and that truth does matter.

When I found out about all the lies, any respect I had for the captain
of Team Australia was hit for six. My God, I felt like I had just copped
one in the nuts from Malcolm Marshall I was so distressed. Bloody
hypocrite. No wonder, a captain who bats at 10 isn’t a cricketer’s
arsehole. No wonder he’s on a pair.

Then during the lunch break he was complaining about the cost of
living (or was it lifestyle?) pressures on the players and spruiked that
it was perfectly OKok to receive expenses even if they were given to
the spouses. Nothing worse than a bloody all-rounder who can only bowl
arm balls. It was as well the public appealed against his version of
free speech, otherwise he might never have shut up.

Then after lunch he brings on his slowest bowler Clive Palmer to bowl
“‘’Chinaman” deliveries. Before play Iin a recorded interview before
play he was quoted as saying that he was stumped as to why the game had
never appealed to the commos.

Goodness knows he is good at bowling spin on sticky wickets. Clive was
on a hat- trick but the umpire dismissed his third appeal on the basis
of an obstructed view -. sSomething to do with body mass.

Anyway, at the close of play Abbott’s team Australia has shown little
desire to get on with the game. Abbott gives the impression he would
rather be on his bike. The team treasurer is still saying the team
budget isf fair, even though those handling the finances say it isn’t.

After a long drawn out final session, the captain of team Australia
looks intent on a draw of sorts. He doesn’t seem to have the spectators
on side. His captaincy shows little innovation or flamboyancy and is in
disarray, the pitch is deteriorating, and he shows little inclination to
arrest his and his teams appalling governance of the game.

At the after play drinks one player in the opposition was heard to say,. “
‘’That bloody Abbott must have been born with two dicks. He couldn’t be that stupid playing with one.”’’

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